Thundercunts Humiliate the Dicktouchers in a Blowout at the DTTC Memorial Invitational

The 2025 DTTC Memorial Invitational is in the books, and the Thundercunts delivered a wire-to-wire beatdown that left the Dicktouchers questioning why they even showed up. The final tally wasn’t close—156 to 130—a 26-point landslide that felt more like a public execution than a golf tournament.

The Champs: The Thundercunts

The Cunts came to play. Every single one of them put up numbers, proving that consistency beats chaos every time.

• Vish (82, 45 pts): The backbone of the squad. Vish casually carved up the course and carried his team like a man who actually practices golf instead of drinking Mikes Hard at the turn.

• Scott (90, 37 pts): Not flashy, not perfect, but dependable—like a Toyota Camry with a smooth 3-putt package.

• Brian (86, 40 pts): Another steady hand who made sure the scoreboard was padded. He’s the type of guy who’ll sneak pars in your face and act like it was no big deal, even though you just doubled.

• Vin (92, 34 pts): The wildcard. Vin managed to keep his drinking in the “functional golfer” zone, proving once again that his scorecard is directly tied to his BAC.

Together, they played like a team, all contributing, all scoring, all winning. It’s almost like they understood the assignment.

The Chumps: The Dicktouchers

Oh boy. Where to even start with this disaster of a foursome?

• Matt (82, 47 pts): Carded an 82 which looks good on paper, but felt flat in practice. On a day when he needed to dominate, he was just fine. “Fine” doesn’t win Invitationals.

• Nick (87, 40 pts): Was excellent playing clutch golf that deserved better teammates. He kept the Dicktouchers afloat as long as he could, but this ship was full of holes.

• Shane (89, 37 pts): Played well enough that he matched Scott’s 37 points, but his 89 was more filler than fire. Another guy who could’ve been great, but instead was just ok.

• Snyder (132, 6 pts): And then there’s Snyder. Dear lord. With a score of 132 and a laughably pathetic 6 stableford points, Snyder singlehandedly nuked his team’s chances like a drunk toddler with access to the launch codes. To put it in perspective, Snyder scored fewer points than most people get from showing up and breathing. His round was less “golf” and more “extended hike with frequent whiffs.”

The Verdict

The ThunderCunts didn’t just win—they dominated. Everyone contributed, everyone scored, everyone mattered. Meanwhile, the Dicktouchers essentially fielded a 3-man squad while dragging Snyder’s corpse across 18 holes.

The narrative is simple: the Thundercunts are the better team, the Dicktouchers are frauds, and Snyder should be legally barred from touching a golf club until further notice.

Final Score: ThunderCunts 156, Dicktouchers 130.