2025

In the shadowy underbelly of golf’s most prestigious, least-publicized event, the 2025 DTTC Memorial Invitational finds itself in chaos before a single tee is planted. The “Great Tee Time Controversy,” as it’s already being called by absolutely no one except the participants, began when the original course booking wavered. Enter Captain Country Club, who—fueled by equal parts foresight and panic—locked in backup tee times at multiple other venues. Instead of calm reassurance, this move detonated a cultural grenade in the group chat. Arguments erupted over course prestige, tee box feng shui, and the moral implications of a 10:10 a.m. versus 11:20 a.m. start. By the time the dust settled, Captain Country Club’s jimmies weren’t just rustled—they were slow-smoked, sauced, and served with a side of coleslaw.

Last year’s climax still echoes through the fairways: the Thundercunts edging out the Dicktouchers in a finish tighter than a three-putt for bogey. For the Dicktouchers, the pain of that loss has festered like an untreated blister, motivating a year-long quest for redemption. They arrive with the intensity of a team that’s been practicing their victory speeches since December, unwilling to let history repeat itself. This isn’t just about a trophy—it’s about restoring honor, settling scores, and making sure the group chat banner photo isn’t of the Thundercunts holding last year’s hardware.

But perhaps the biggest plot twist is the rise—well, mild elevation—of Dan Snyder. Once considered a statistical black hole, Snyder has managed to string together rounds that are at least “scorable,” according to insiders. This is a man who could once be counted on for triple bogeys in bulk but now offers… hope. And in a field where drama, pride, and tee time politics are already at a fever pitch, hope might just be the most dangerous weapon of all. The 2025 DTTC Memorial Invitational won’t just be played on the course—it’s already being fought in the minds, the messages, and the very jimmies of those brave enough to compete.